Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
