My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
