Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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