The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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