I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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