I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
