She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
