I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My penis needs a shock collar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
