I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
