You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
