Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
