You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
