You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
