Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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