Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
