Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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