Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
