everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
