the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
