do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
