then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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