i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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