no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
