my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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