Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have tasted many bathrooms
You ruined the universe
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
