Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
