So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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