Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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