Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Found your dick twin last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
