I'm drive I can fine osifer
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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