OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
