While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
