you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
