Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize