PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
