Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
