No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
