You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
