and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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