Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
