Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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