Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
