I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
