why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize