Do you still have your period?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
