ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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