I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
