I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize