I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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