Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
