WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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