i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
