Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
