I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
