you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
