I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
