im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
