Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
