OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
