shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
