i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
