Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
