She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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