sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
