My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
