I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's blow job season.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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