New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
