Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
