HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
