so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
