He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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