So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
