ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
